Taraiscrushed Recaps & Comments

[Joss]

Tara is a 25 year old vbloging from an unspecified location. Huge blue eyes, beautiful brown long hair, wide cheeks, powerful smile, extremly energetic and devoted to keep herself in great physical shape.

But Tara's main characteristic is the way she handles feelings, think of an old war veteran that had terrible experiences and after a full life of meditation and with the certainty of a close death has no barriers to share his experiences and his feelings to the extent that his words scare and haunt our hearts.

Put that attitude and that need to share in a hyper-active young female with her sensibility working at 101% and an overdeveloped passionately girly way.. And you'll have and idea of the outcome.

Somebody told me once that women in the past were better mothers because they had no pain med to give birth to their children, overcoming the pain and feeling all those unique sensations made them very proud of being women and the satisfaction made them better mothers and women.

Tara makes just that.. She obtains both pleasure from her pain and lives with painful intensity her joy.. Tara paints all her emotions, thoughts and instinctive reactions with the color of female energy.. She can be many things, hard minded, lovely, hateful, childish, impressively mature.. But you will never see her being just one of them, she is very womanly on that, and like most women she "runs in multitasking" living several processes simultaneously.

It is not clear yet whether its for real or a production.. There is plenty to make you think either way.. Suit yourself.

[noasinger]

Looking forward to your thoughts, Joss.

[Joss]

Camera is rolling.. We are thrown right into action with no introduction whatsoever, it becomes obvious camera has been rolling for some time.

"I haven't made any friends.. Yettt" the way she drags that "yet" tells there is a lot more to not having friends than she being new to the place.. There is something in the way she says it that makes you wish you could ask her more about that.. She is telling you she is willing to talk about it.. However as the words keep going her voice begins to brake and thats a signal that a huge emotional background is moving behind that minor subject.. You would have to be very sure of yourself or very mindless to pull from that loose end and see how far the wire would un-stitch.

She goes on with "But I was thinking I should get a pet or something!" and I can hear myself thinking (Nope.. That's not going to help really).. That means I'm already into the person.. Only 20 seconds of vid and I'm already swimming into the emotional waters of this person.. This is fast.. Falling in love can't beat this!

This is like when you meet a new person and as the conversation goes on you tell yourself there is a lot more to this person that just the words.. You think you can follow the leads to his/her soul while you are wondering whether you should allow yourself to be seduced (is it safe for my heart?).. But with Tara by the time you think is too late.. I already know I'm sold all the way.. Duh, ok!

She starts discussing the pros and the cons of a number of pets.. And the she stumbles on cats.. Pause.. (WTF?) Then half a smile and an eyebrow raises in a poker face that announces with joy she just decided to tell us something personal..

"This is going to sound.."

A very familiar sequence of words that makes you think of a comfort sofa, popcorn and low light.. Story is about to begin!

"I was like 7 years old.. So I just.."

Wow.. Popcorn off the window.. This is not fun anymore.. Her body language changes suddenly to a mood that freezes the air I'm breathing.. There is a sequence cut that makes the change even more evident.. She is bracing herself.. Her facial expression is tense.. She is facing the floor.. Looking downward with a forced-up glance.. She is expecting to be refrained.. If she had long ears like a dog they would be missing, probably gathered behind her head.. (What have you done sweetheart?)

Her eyebrows fiercely pop up.. Her voice grows broken.. She cant keep her mouth closed like if she didn't want to feel any contact between her lips (Don't touch me!) as a rejection to herself.. You can tell she is neither happy or proud about what she is telling us.. Her following words are a full confession by the book.. She wont even dare to stare at the camera.. Boy, she knows how to confess!!

In a few words she explains she assasinated a cat by drowning.

Then void.. Silence.. Heart just stopped.. Glance lost somewhere deep underground.. Maybe hell.. Mouth is now close, lips sealed tight.. She swallows but there is nothing in her throat, not even saliva, still is a painful swallow.. (I think I just stopped breathing!)

"So.. Maybe a fish?.. I think Ir cran handrle thrat.. Irt wrould grive mre crompranyr frorrrr ar whrile.."

Her voice is shattered.. She tries to raise from her ashes.. Not to avail.. Its just too tough..

Charlie Rivel (Famous clown, considered the best of all times) wrote once that there is nothing more sad in the world than the forced smile of a sad man.. I just saw that smile on Tara's face.. And I didn't like the feeling.. I didn't.. I just didnt..

Gabriel Garcia Marquez wrote in his memories that "Going to hell needs not change of place or posture".. Tara glides down to hell in this vid and soars over the oceans of red hot lava in which souls burn 'til the end of time.. She stretches her hand to touch it because she feels called by it, that she deserves it.. But the angels would not let one of their own go unsupervised to places where god does not dares to step.. And just when she is about to faint they bring her back home.. She is being forced to survive.. Not pay time yet sweet Tara!

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Notes: There is someone else there.. She has no remote control for the camera.. And you can actually hear someone manipulating it just when the vid stops.. So someone is taping this..

(Come out!Come out! Whoever you are! We don't steal.. We don't bite.. And we may even care for your soul!)

[Joss]

This is a response video to the "Poor Pluto" vid from the PG13 production denominated LonelyGirl15 in which a girl named Bree shares her romantic view of Pluto being degraded from the planet category.. You may have heard about her before.. Maybe watched some of her vids.. Who knows?

Same dress, same location, almost the same camera angle and the same light as the first vid. Again the noise from someone manipulating the camera.

Tara basically relates herself to the feelings Pluto supposedly has after being kicked off the planets club.. She talks about feeling "outside of everything" and in fear of "being cut-off".

She looks forced and tense.. She looks over the camera like trying to read what else should she say from the mind of someone handling the camera.

It feels a forced attempt to relate to LG15.. This a vid you can skip and still don't miss anything about Tara.. Its like a discarded sequence being finally added as a bonus.

Still Tara makes a final impression:

"I hope you are real!"

So we did.

[Joss]

Again same location, same dress, same light, all suggests all three vids where made in the same day, annoying background sound similar to the poor sound coding of a low quality vid on the first minute or so.

Tara in rampage.. That's what it is.. It all begins by "I'm bored" and has a freaking progression towards madness ending in Tara jumping and dancing like possesed.

This vid just introduces us to the high energy pulse button she has hidden somewhere in her head and while playing with her hair she accidentally presses it and the sudden change gets a little scary at first.

[Joss]

Long Vblog (+8 min.) about she being pissed off because of harsh comments to her vids, about she being asked a degree for a job answering phonecalls, about how nice and quiet that spot in the park is (quiet? I can her a highway and an airport!), how good it feels to her throwing rocks as a stress treatment, her experience of wathing herself being stitched after opening a hole in her knee in a fall while trekking, and maybe something more that I dont recall and basically adds nothing new.

What is really important in this vid is what she does not says: She is very lonely and has been like that for a long time, that's why she has developed a relation to places where she would go alone and just let herself go.

Other than that you can hear her scream when she steps on the water while jumping over a small stream, which its actually the most interesting point in the vid.. Which basically says it all about this vid.

No body language, almost robotic voice, messy editing and horrendous light treatment.. Too bright.. Maybe hiding something?

So to make it short: 8 minutes of I'M ALONE IN MYSELF.

[Joss]

The bad news basically consist of she not getting a job.

She is afraid to sleep alone and gets freaked out by noises in the middle of the night.

...

Then she remembers her mom.. She gets emotional.. She mentions some early childhood memories that she is not even sure whether they are real.. But she points out 2 things she remembers: Her mother hair over her face and the way her mother smelled.

What this is telling us? I'M REALIZING HOW ALONE I'M WITH MYSELF!

What makes you wonder why in the world doesn't she goes out and gets to know some people.. Are there any problems you are not talking about?

Nevertheless.. The way she talks about her memories makes you feel she misses something.. Not only her mom.. But having someone to comfort and cheer her up.. Maybe something deeper than that.. So you can't help wondering: What's going on with you Tara?

[Joss]

Same shooting place as the previous vid.. Same couch.. Dressed pretty much the same way.. Feels like made in the same day one right after another.

Tara explains she went to see her mom at the hospital.. We do not get any specific information as to why she is in the hospital.. We just know what she says: "It was a good visit but I'm glad is over"

Somehow she is unable to communicate with her mother.. She has a very intensive emotional load which she needs to let go but since the receiver of the message is not there to receive it the messages keep piling inside her.. She is having a hard time dealing with that.. Driving on the way home she feels like making a wild turn going 70 mph (oh yeah, thats fast in the US) but she becomes self aware and turns off the radio and opens the windows to let fresh air in.. Thats when she realizes her heart is going over-revved.. And she wonders what is happening to her..

Well.. What about a natural impulse to do something dramatic that would throw you out of your present absorved self-consuming status of bearing with a pain that is not yours?

Advice to watchers: In the future episodes we are going to see plenty of this self-destructive impulses thrusted by mishandled feelings. However Tara is not a psycho.. She just has the right ingredients for the wrong recipe: She is very strong, very sensible and has no deep self-knowledge.. The result is a perfect host for conflicting emotions for she has the strengh to take her inner war to atomic proportions.

Remember this when you see her having sudden unexpected peaks of energy.. That is not a childish attitude nor sign of mental illness.. Is shear inner tension she cant help to discharge to the world in such a explicit way.

Undertanding this is what makes her vblogging interesting.. Otherwise you just will see a non-violent psycho displaying her wickedest craft.